Processing the Fear of Violence

I'm writing off-the-cuff a bit tonight because I can't sleep.  Regardless of whatever time this post will claim to publish we just cleared 5am in Indianapolis.  I should be asleep, or at the very least working to prepare lectures and grade for my classes.

But tonight, Indianapolis had its 99th murder* of calendar year 2012.  My heart isn't beating the same, my lungs are respiring shallow rations of air, and my imagination is kicking around like a ping-pong ball between dichotomous thoughts: peace and violence, peace and violence.

Recently, I've grown extra aware of homicides in the local news.  I don't think that the rate is up, necessarily, and maybe it's the change of season that has my mind latching on to the depressing aspects of life.  It's overly simple to blame cooler weather, lack of greenery, and shorter days for our problems, but these factors are very real contributors to a dreary disposition like the one I have.

Even so, the first 98 murders did a lot less to keep me up at night.  Tonight, though, the crime was reported at a store I've patronized.  It was committed even closer to home, along a major street I use and/or cross almost daily.  The nearness of the shooting has opened my eyes and my imagination, after they were cracked by an armed robbery (thankfully no shooting) in the same area about a week ago.  When I say the same area, though, I don't really mean just any old area.  I mean my area.  My wife's area, and therefore my family's area.  We make our home - our first - in this area.  When I clicked on the Google map showing the immediate neighborhood around the crime scene, I found us.  And it's not like we were on the edge of the map.

I'm not allowing myself to be afraid to admit that I'm afraid. 

I'm afraid of guns.  I don't know what they can do, or how they really even work, but I know they can kill me or anyone else.  Over 3/4 of the victims on the 2012 homicide list* died by firearm.

I'm afraid of the dark.  But I'm so afraid of the light and the attention that it may draw that I sit in the dark while I type.

I'm afraid to talk about it.  Yet I'm afraid to sit quietly and pretend nothing is wrong.

I'm afraid of misunderstandings.  I'm usually quiet to avoid misunderstandings, even though silence can be as confusing as poorly-chosen words.  The following isn't as carefully deliberated as you might expect from me, but this is already a rare post in that it isn't driven by cerebral or witty notions:

I don't expect a potential murderer to read a blog that nobody else reads, but these sentiments are meant for everyone or no one, as it may be.  They're even for me a little bit, to remind myself of how humbled and mortal I feel tonight.

Speaking from the side of fear, intimidation is an effective tool.  It's one I feel we should leave in the shed, though, and guns and murder are tools that shouldn't even be at our disposal.  Why are people content to be the next cycle in history, the next wave of violence, and the next statistic in the crime blotter?  Bigger and better movements, interactions, and headlines are so clearly in reach with the right mix of common sense and common decency.  People are flawed, but I think it's pathetic to accept such dearths of security, kindness, compassion, and peace as human nature.  We are so much more alike than we are different.

We are all virtual clones of one another, yet we play up differences which are dictated by a fraction of a percent of our genome.  Beyond nature, even our environments are not without key similarities.  With few exceptions, we are all struggling in numerous ways.  Not least of all financially.  Yet some very knowingly add to myriad suffering when they respond to their stressors with violence.  The person perpetrating whatever wrongs they endure is suffering too.  Is there no way to see this, appreciate common bonds and shared experiences, and have a meaningful dialogue?  How can it be that the answer to the problems is digging ourselves, each other, and our communities further into the pit of despair and disorder?

As I write this and seek catharsis which may not be attainable in such haste, I'm not sure what/where to conclude my plea.  I'm left with so many more questions than answers, and I hate to think of how I would take the news if such a crime hit this close to home in any sense other than the geographical.  The truth is I'm very lucky but others around me are not, and luck can run out on anybody at anytime even though we live in a world in which we shouldn't need so much luck anymore.

We are the human species, and if we are the top of the top like we think we are we should be able to change our environment to promote security and common goals.  We have to stop using the fact that we're "human" as an excuse for doing all the stupid and hurtful things we feel inclined to do, and start using the fact that we're "human" as a standard for responsibility, ingenuity, and compassion that too few of us demonstrate.  We are all capable of these qualities and of peace, we should strive to attain them, and honestly we really must in order to pass a life worth living in this country and this world onto the next generation after enjoying it for ourselves.

The fear brings me to a few conclusive thoughts for the night:

I am at times gripped with a fear that becomes increasingly rational, validated, and intense.  My life (and its quality) is one among all in this world that depends upon the good sense, kindness, and simple control of violent impulses from everyone around me.  I'm grateful, despite many struggles, to have an objectively good life.  Despite frequently lacking the ability or initiative to do more and do good with my life, I'm thankful to those who allow me and help me to live it at the standard it meets.  I ask all the powers that be - including those around me - for continued patience and opportunity as I seek to better reach my potential to do good for myself and for those around me.  I ask for the same patience and opportunity for everyone.  Please begin or continue to set aside aggression, greed, hate, ignorance, envy, pride, and all the other counterproductive distractions to human decency so that we can all set aside at least some of our heartache and fear.

*My source appears to be politically biased, but it has a great deal of key data in a simple presentation.

Hating on Suburban Apartment "Life"

This is where I'd like to live...

Right up there...  And let me tell you why, in the uncharacteristically (and unnecessarily?) strong language of loathing - hate* speech:

I hate* commute-style driving...

...same thing, every day.  Same roads.  Waiting at the same off-sync traffic lights.  Sharing the road with the same reckless jerks.  Squeezing into the same lousy parking lots and garages.  A depressing process on repeat.  I've tried to make the best of having to commute by driving (and especially parking) during campus down times and taking alternate routes.  But now I've run out of intriguing angles from which to take cell phone pictures at red lights...

...so I'm ready walk or take the bike.  I'm landlocked between two big highways and just out of reach in my current locale, but with any luck I'll find a new place with access to downtown.  At the very least, it'd be nice to have bike lanes and sidewalks as givens.  Right now, none of the following are within reasonable/safe walking distance: groceries, post office, library, parks, retail anything.  Give me just a few of these options (major bonus points if I can work and live in the same area) and I'll be thrilled.  If I could do walking errands just once or twice a week my exercise, fresh air, stress-relief, and vitamin D stats would be way up from their present levels.

I hate* urban sprawl...

...and generic suburbia.  I've become stuck in the inefficient mid-range between my two visions of ideal (and, arguably, green in their own senses) living space...

• The wilderness - no neighbors for miles, living off the land.
• The urban jungle - could be greener, but high population density can be unwittingly eco-friendly.

...so from here I'd gladly gravitate inward toward true city life.  Even if you pack in people to every side, and stack them above and below, I'll waive my misanthropy clause for the sake of convenience.  For my complex, I have a pretty nice spot (hand-picked) with a honey locust tree near my south-facing (see: natural light) porch.  But set me above a business where I can people-watch in a historic neighborhood, or put me a few floors up in Indianapolis' downtown proper and there could be quite a lot to observe.

I hate* cookie-cutter apartments...

...with paper-thin walls.  I can endure older appliances (it's not like the "modern" machines in typical apartments are all Energy Star), because there's at least an excuse for their inefficiency.  Where a nice retrofit has been done in an old building, I'd be glad to lend rent money in support of the efforts.  A solidly-built, well-insulated space could decrease the heating bills and neighbor noise, and an older building with some character would be a fun place to host, show off, and occupy day-to-day.  Throw in a cool view from the window and a multi-purpose use of space (e.g. placement above a restaurant, shop, or office) and I'd be a happy camper.

--------------------------
*  Hate is a strong word, I know that.  I was going to qualify and soften my word choice in this footnote, but then I realized that it's reasonably accurate and more interesting to read this way.

Super Bowl XLVI

The Super Bowl left town almost a week ago, and most things have returned to normal.  As as a casual Indianapolis Colts fan I'll admit it was nice to see Tom Brady and the rival Patriots go home empty handed, especially after having to drive around their set-up at the University Place Hotel on campus where I work and study at IUPUI.  On Sunday, we had a nice little party with close friends and watched the game from kickoff through post-game celebrations.  This was the first time, however, that a Super Bowl had amounted to more than the game and commercials for me, and in all it was certainly an experience to rival (exceed, in some ways) the interest of the Colts' victory in Super Bowl XLI back when I had first moved to Indianapolis.

In fact, despite the legitimately exciting nature of the game, the whole concept of the teams playing seemed like kind of an afterthought following the week-plus of action in Super Bowl Village downtown.

[Above: Enormous XLVI and Lombardi Super Bowl Trophy Stickers on the east facade of the JW.]

[Below: The view at night, with the stickers lit up by light rigs atop the parking garage across the street.]

 [Right: View of the decorated JW from the south.]

Even before the Village opened, I could see Indianapolis changing day by day on my commute to school/work downtown.  The Lombardi trophy - aka probably the biggest sticker most people will ever hope to see - started as a few golden strips on the front side of the JW Marriott.  They hung the strips of the decal over the course of days the way you'd hang wallpaper over the course of an afternoon.  The trophy and other giant decals on the facade of the JW were heavily photographed...

[Left: The enormously sized, inexplicably captivating, highly photographed and gawked-at XLVI letters just to the south of the monument on the circle.]

...but I'm betting not as much as the giant "XLVI" letters staged on the South Meridian side of Monument Circle.  It was a really bizarre thing, huge letters doubling as video screens, apparently the mecca of photo opportunities.  Admittedly, we were among those photographing and being pictured with the letters - both nights we were there, even.  The buzz on the radio was that the letters appeared in a MILLION pictures during the week leading up to the Super Bowl.  I don't doubt that, given our temporary fixations on them and the incredible number of people all over the place, who...

[Above: Just a handful of the tons of people packed onto Georgia Street for a concert which, from my perspective, barely happened.  Somewhere at the end of this block was where the stage presumably stood.  Less than 10 minutes after this shot, I was being crushed in a giant horde of all of these people!]

...flooded the streets to the tune of 150,000 people on Friday night alone.  I like people well enough, in moderation.  But my idea of moderation is fewer than ten, probably maxing out at six people in my immediate vicinity.  Needless to say, the 30,000-fold increase from my comfort zone was a little awkward, especially since tens of thousands of those people seemed to have grazed/slammed into me in the chaos that was leaving the LMFAO (who?) concert.  And we were hardly close enough to hear, much less see the show.  I'd seen the insanity of the Egyptian soccer stadium riots just days before, so with that fresh in my mind it was actually pretty tense for the 15-20 minutes we were at a cramped standstill.  I (think I...?) can take pride in the fact that neither the atmosphere nor the people to turn a giant human traffic jam into a riot were present in Indy that night.

Without hesitation, I can say that the spectacle of the Super Bowl made for some memorable evenings.  Some of it was too crazy for words, though my crudely-built cartoon at the top hints at factual occurrences - though in a spatial context well outside any laws of geography - both mentioned and spared of detail here.

In fact I made myself list out the Top Ten most memorable things I witnessed/experienced at Super Bowl Village on the Friday night visit.  Below are the six that I didn't find too ridiculous to state publicly:

#3 - The utter inability to ever find/establish contact with people who were a maximum of two blocks away.
#4 - Being crushed/shoved about by approximately150,000 people.
#5 - Retrospect: Knowing now that some cohort of that 150,000 was passing the measles around.
#8 - Seeing a red carpet surrounded by star-stalkers trying to find some Kardashian at the Conrad.
#9 - Having to drive to three separate Steak-N-Shakes before finally getting seated at one in a suburb.
#10 - The fear/expectation that when the zipline inevitably snaps, I'll be the one that dies by breaking the daredevil's fall.  Fortunately (obviously), that didn't happen.

Overall, I think it was a positive thing for the city in most ways.  I heard and read a lot of praise both the weeks before and after the Super Bowl for the city and the people, and all sorts of chatter about making a bid to host again in a handful of years.  Early February weather might not be so accommodating the next go-around, but hopefully the rest of the good times and presentation can be matched or bested if the city does host again.

My Electric Bills in Journal Article Format (Of Course)

Introduction
     It has been more than 8 months since I moved into my own apartment for the first time.  I hate getting superfluous postal mail, so I signed up for electronic billing through Indianapolis Power and Light (IPL) at the first opportunity when I moved back into Indianapolis from nearby Greenwood, IN.  I was on a mission with my energy consumption which was fueled by a few of my character traits:  the incredibly cheap and practical aspect that makes me seek to consolidate and reduce whenever possible, the scientist in me who likes to run "experiments" then collect and analyze "data," my major professional passion for ecology and environmentalism, and my side interest in energy efficiency.
     In this exercise I've managed to touch on all of these aspects of my personality.  I've provided some descriptive graphs to let you into my world a little bit, and from them you'll see both my tendencies to penny-pinch and to lean toward less environmentally-exhausting lifestyle changes (particularly practical/inexpensive/easy ones).  Even if we're able to incorporate less harmful energy sources - e.g. renewable wind energy rather than the vast majority of electricity generated by burning coal in Indiana - I think it's a no-brainer that we should seek to reduce our energy consumption drastically as well.
     Among my major goals were to reduce my energy consumption (both compared to my previous living arrangements and on a month by month basis moving forward) and in turn reduce my energy bill.  I wanted to take at least some baby steps toward a cleaner energy source, and enrolling in the Green Power Option (a whole $0.00100/kWh = it costs me a quarter a month, give or take) was a very affordable step on the dream path that ends with off-the-grid solar/wind energy in my home.

Methods
     The pdf files of all of my bills were accessible online via my IPL account (they keep something like your last 12 or 13 bills on file there), and I collected the following values each month: bill date, bill amount ($), kWh of energy used, number of days in billing cycle, and cost of my 100% opt-in for renewable energy preference.
     A straightforward calculation was done to normalize the data, as it became skewed by variations in the number of days per billing cycle, which ranged from 27 to 34 days: 

Daily Energy Use (in kWh/day) = (Total consumption in billing cycle)/(Number of days in billing cycle)

     By dividing the amount of energy consumed (in kWh) over a billing cycle by the number of days counted in that billing cycle, I could compare my energy consumption month by month in terms of energy consumption per day.

Results

Figure 1 - Summary of data obtained from my last 8 energy bills.

Left: The y-axis (vertical) is multi-purpose here, representing the cost of my monthly bills (red squares and line) in US dollars, the cost of the IPL Green power pro-rate on those bills (green triangles and line) in US dollars, and the amount of energy consumption metered for my apartment (blue diamonds and line) in kilowatt-hours per day.  I've met my goal of generally trending downward in consumption and cost, but the amount of money going toward green energy is difficult to determine here, except that it shows that it's a small fraction of the cost and it amounts to just pennies a month.

Right:  Because the green energy pro-rate is hardly detectable in the figure at left, I made another just to show how much is actually going toward it.  Here the y-axis is US dollars, and therefore it is clear that since my first payment into the Green Energy Initiative (27 cents in July 2011), my cost here has declined right along with the consumption and monthly balances.

Discussion
     There are a couple of things I'd like to draw out of the above results.  First, recall that among my goals were reducing both my energy use and the amount I pay.  Despite a slight increase in my most recent statement, the general trend is certainly downward with respect to my daily energy usage (blue diamonds in the Figure).  I paid a four-month high for my energy last month, but this was due to an unusually long billing cycle.  Otherwise, my downward trend is satisfactory.  And believe me, people tend to be inspired (or at least jealous) when you say that your energy bill is consistently under $30. 
     We're nearing February - the month during which almost all the bad storms I recall from the last 5 years have occurred - but so far my furnace hasn't run all winter.  It has been unseasonably warm at times, but even the cold temperatures have been manageable with a sweatshirt or extra blanket.  Not surprisingly, my high months were July and August - air conditioner season - but note that I paid only a little more those months and not double and triple like some folks do to stay comfortable.  Believe me, if you'll re-evaluate your comfortable temperature (think of it particularly in relation to how much it will cost you) you may agree that using the A/C sparingly (and for only an hour at a time) is enough supplement to box fans and basketball shorts for the reward of a reasonable and predictable energy bill at the end of the month.  Now that it's late January, I don't long for any of the cooling energy I didn't use last summer.
     The other thing on my mind, and it may be clear from the Figure (especially at left), is the fraction-of-a-fraction of my bill that I'm charged extra to be enrolled in the Green Power Option.  On one hand, this is great for me because it's both a predictable and affordable surcharge.  On the other hand, I can afford more (albeit not a lot more) than a quarter a month for something I care about as a consumer, yet I have maximized my possible level of enrollment in the program.  I know that IPL takes pride in having such a low cost to participate, but I wonder if there are ways to better include the people who want to do more.  I'm certain that, particularly if IPL were to provide a clear and itemized sales pitch to interested customers, they could convince many of us to opt-in for more than the 100% maximum.  I say keep the rate the same in order to generate new interest, but if the company takes further steps toward showing a commitment to renewable energy then customers should be happy to go beyond 100% participation.  In fact, let someone like me pay 400% if I choose, since my bill is already low.  This way I would still pay less than $1/month extra yet the process might be sped along as my involvement essentially "sponsors" 1-3 additional consumers.  Plus, any more research and presentation IPL does to expand the opportunities provided by their Green Power Option, the more likely they'll be to find new participants as well.

Conclusion

     I hope any interested reader takes from this snapshot of my energy consumption that cost and energy-saving steps do pay off: less A/C and heat, fans and blankets as necessary, unplugging appliances when not in use.  I didn't install a programmable thermostat in my apartment, but investments in devices like this or in power strips to consolidate and shut off energy drawn from outlets can have great returns without the level of diligence necessary to monitor everything like I have had to do. 

     To any IPL customers who happen to stumble upon this, I hope you'll be interested in the Green Power Option, enroll with me and follow its development.  I'd love to discuss the possibilities for the program to go further as well as alternative ways to support renewable energy.  If you live in Indiana, remember that almost all of our electricity is derived from coal burning, so it is going to take some bottom-up efforts from the public to help push renewable energy in Indiana toward viability and then competitiveness.  I find inspiration when I drive by the mountain of coal to be burned at the power plant on South Harding Street here in Indianapolis, or when I see a monthly bill that was a half-dollar less than the one before.  I hope our city as a whole is inspired to lay down a cleaner energy grid for the future, but if we're not inspired we should at least choose to be responsible.

Suggested Reading

Green Power Option through IPL

Living Like Ed by Ed Begley, Jr. - Ed's a Hollywood actor who has long been on the cutting edge of environmental activism and "green" living, and this book really hit the spot when I first developed my interests in energy efficiency.  He is incredibly clear, helpful, and practical and this book is suitable for folks of all income and interest levels.

Impromptu Sightseeing

There are plenty of swirling ideas that aren't coming together enough for even a blog post at the moment.  The first week of school is a busy, busy time, and the possibility of it being the last first week of school I ever have gives me mixed feelings.

Anyway, we did knock out an expiring Groupon over some chili downtown tonight, and we used the extra hour left on the parking meter to walk off the dinner and explore areas of downtown that I'd never seen in great detail.  Hannah and I made a ton of great discoveries, but I'll let the burden of the blog post be carried by what was probably my favorite find.

I need to make it a point to explore downtown Indy on foot more often.  There were some pleasant surprises on a quick post-dinner stroll earlier tonight, including the former home of the Indiana State Museum on the northwest corner of Alabama and Ohio Streets.  Awesome eagle statues, lighting, architecture and doors.  I tried to get pictured with that last feature, but I think a return trip in the daylight will make that task more successful.