Review By Haiku: Philomath Culture Edition May/June/July/August 2012

Just a couple mugs after they offed a postal detective (Appointment With Danger, 1951).  Years later, they'd be rehabilitated and serve as poster boys for LAPD's brand of law and order (Dragnet, 1967).

Disclaimer

Writing a thesis

leaves little time, energy

to accrue culture.

Television

Battlestar Galactica
I'm not exactly
flying through, may as well be
a radio show.

Mad Men

Crazy fifth season.
A lot of change but Glen is
still giving rape vibes.

Girls

Even though I find

Lena Dunham's characters

appalling, I watch...

Community

I like this show but
c'mon! Jack Black mixed in with
allusions to M*A*S*H?

Happy Endings

Holy crap this show
cloned me and all my friends. If
I were a Wayans.

Workaholics

They got sex and drugs
minus sex plus sweet bear coats.
Cath'rine Zeta-Jones.

Movies

The Dark Knight Rises

This movie gives three-
hour thrillride and three-day bout
with Bane voice fever.

Captain America
I'd be paranoid
and blubbery, one Super
Soldier Serum hit.

Black Legion
Here you've a film where
Bogart should have made his name
but he didn't... yet.

 Appointment With Danger
Wait, did I just see
Friday and Gannon on the
wrong side of the law?

No Man of Her Own
"Real" Patrice Harkniss
by actress Phyllis Thaxter:
ladies, rest in peace.

The Devil Inside
OK with "horror
documentary" gag then

remembered Blair Witch...

The Whales of August
Crabby old Bette
with sweet old Vincent and old
Lil, cuter than hell.

Tiny Furniture

See the description

of Girls above because, yes,

it applies here too.

Piranha 3D
Chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp,
toothy fish rip spring breakers
limb from limb. Deserved.

Battle Royale
With one million ways
to die, time allowed for like
forty bloody ways.

Reservoir Dogs 
Sometimes less is more
and, again, saw how much can
come of so little. 

Books

The Plague
 Camus was so cool
that, translated, still has great
vocabulary.

The Lady in the Lake
Typical Chander,
one part substance, two parts style,
twist, turn, twist, turn, solved.

Batman: Year One
What ever happened
to Sarah Essen? Never
made movies I've seen.

Sports

Reds pulling away,
Votto or not, hope Pirates
reach October too.

B-ball fan, you have
no cable? Check Olympic
synch swimming. Same diff.
  

Grandpa

Thank you

                For my mother

                For your service

                For your hard work

                For being there

                For being fair

                For being the keystone and patriarch of our family

                For your generosity

                For sharing your experience, work, resources and time

                For being so responsible and holding us responsible

                For being forgiving, positive, and supportive

                For bringing me to interesting places

                For your personality – including all the characteristics and habits that I’ll always 

                        recognize as uniquely yours

                For showing your support for me – in baseball, in school, at my wedding

                For being such a sweet man, even after so much of your strength had been reduced

                For everything

You have been one of the most positive influences I ever hope to have in life.  Your creativity, hard work, loyalty, guidance, and caring will be my example for as long as I live.  I hope my life will be as long and meaningful as yours was, and that I learn to live it with as much passion and positive impact on others as you had.  And I know you wish that for me and for all of the family that remains and is to come.  You are my hero and, I expect, the greatest man I’ll ever know.

 

Thank you and I love you.

Time Travel Baseball - Part 4

Line-up: I finally found the Donovans' intended batting order.  It's no Murderer's Row, but they seem to have planned the best they could with what they have.  Unfortunately, what they have is a bunch of Donovans.

No sign of them actually playing any games, however.  It appears the Donovans scheduled games with some of the all-time worst teams in Major League history.  They seem to insist on having a fighting chance since they were/are to such trouble and expense to revive and time-transport a team boasting just a .221 batting average as a group.  I don't know the ins and outs of time travel, so it's anyone's guess why there are no results.  Maybe they are forthcoming.  If they ever show, I'll pass them on. What a shame if they come so close but never play.  For now though, I'll leave you their schedule to look over.  Might get an idea of what bets you want to place, just in case.

Schedule: All series are scheduled for the second weekend of October in the years indicated, three or four games each over Friday, Saturday (occasional double-headers), and Sunday.  None of these are playoff teams, so their seasons will be/were finished by mid-October.

• 2003 Detroit Tigers
• 1962 New York Mets
• 1935 Boston Braves
• 1899 Cleveland Spiders
• 1890 Pittsburgh Pirates
• 1916 Philadelphia Athletics
• 1904 Washington Senators
• 1898 St. Louis Browns
• 1942 Philadelphia Phillies
• 1932 Boston Red Sox
• 1911 Boston Rustlers
• 1909 Boston Doves
• 2010 Seattle Mariners
• 1965 New York Mets
• 1979 Oakland Athletics
• 1969 San Diego Padres
• 1981 Toronto Blue Jays
• 2004 Arizona Diamondbacks
• 1955 Baltimore Orioles

Player-Manager "Wild Bill" Donovan sports the team's alternate away uniform.

Hopefully the team did/will get the chance to wear this get-up in action.

Time Travel Baseball - Part 3

So for nearly two months I've searched and searched with limited success. The newspapers went mute on the subject of the time-traveling Donovans, but in recent days I did manage a few breakthroughs.

No word on how they came to complete the roster, but I did find the rest of the position players and pitching staff in an update to the team website.  First, though, I'd like to share the craziest discovery of all: a file photo (below) which looks like it belongs with a yet-unfound news article.  I'd argue this is a greater find, though, as the picture and its caption unveil a lot.  We get a glimpse at the team uniforms and some indication that the genes carrying my likeness will be well-preserved in the coming generations...

AP PHOTO - Members of the Time-Traveling Donovans baseball team (L to R): player-manager "Wild Bill" Donovan, owner Donovan Moxley VI, and major free-agent addition Patsy Donovan.  The Donovans unveiled their home and road uniforms, while a scruffy "Wild Bill" suggested his new beard would set a "team standard" and he would be a featured player for the team in addition to his managerial role.

From Official Website of the All-Time All-Donovans (www5.donovans.com):

LF: Rich Donovan Berry

Scouting: .188/.316/.219 in the Major Leagues.  Berry was a sparingly-used member of the 1969 Philadelphia Phillies.  His inconsistency at the plate - extremely patient one inning and swinging wildly later in the game - prevented his becoming established.  There was just barely enough Donovan in his name to allow for this opportunity at redemption in time-travel baseball.  

CF (Platoon): "Wild Bill" Donovan, Tom Donovan
Scouting:  Despite only playing 37 career games in the outfield and fumbling one fielding attempt in every ten, "Wild Bill" Donovan will roam center most days for the Donovans.  When "Wild Bill" gives himself the nod on the mound, he will be replaced by the yet less experienced, yet less dependable glove of Tom Donovan.  Tom's 18-game career with the 1901 Cleveland Blues resulted in a .254 average, making him a viable DH candidate or good-hitting pitcher (yes, he'll pitch too) as the situations arise.


RF: Patsy Donovan
Scouting: .301/.348/.355 in the Major Leagues.  Easily the Donos' star player, Irishman Patsy Donovan batted .301 over a 17-year career.  Averaging less than a homer a year, he will likely hit for average and be a base-stealing threat at the top of the lineup.


Pitching Staff: "Wild Bill" Donovan, Dick Donovan, Tom Donovan, Donovan Osborne, "Tame Bill" Donovan
Scouting: "Wild Bill" - otherwise known as team manager and part-time center fielder for the Donovans, makes himself the team's first option on the mound.  Next in line, and arguably more reliable, will be 3-time journeyman All-Star Dick Donovan.  Tom Donovan, Donovan Osborne, and Bill Donovan will round out the rotation.  In order to distinguish himself from his namesake, Bill initialed a nickname clause in his contract agreeing to go exclusively by "Tame Bill" for as long as he should don the gray, blue, and beard.

The Donos' most recent additions - outfield and pitchers - appear in red.

...Stay tuned for the finale, where I share the details of the All-Time Donovans line-up and their team schedule with probable starters.

Factual/statistical information and photographs provided by baseball-reference.com

Time Travel Baseball - Part 2

Finally, I've had a chance to dig a little further into the future of baseball.  I'm referring, more specifically, to the time-traveling baseball team that my descendant is going to found in the 22nd century.  It does a great-great-great grandpa proud...

From Official Website of the All-Time All-Donovans (www5.donovans.com):

C: Jerry Donovan

Scouting: .199/.236/.223 in the Major Leagues.  Jerry Donovan only managed to scrape together 33 hits in his brief 61 game career for the 1906 Phillies, and was therefore no longer among the Major League ranks in 1907 and beyond.  In signing with the All-Time Donovans, Jerry has finally scraped together his second chance after more than a quarter-millennium of inaction.

1B: Fred Donovan
Scouting:  .083/.154/.083 in the Major Leagues.  Though originally a catcher, Fred Donovan is older than Jerry Donovan anyway you slice it (i.e. by date of birth, playing age, condition upon reanimation).  As a result, Fred will be asked to make the transition to first base, both deferring to the younger knees of Jerry and filling a defensive need for the team.  Perhaps it's for the best, as he's likely to take comfort in the fact that his arm should not be a liability.  Fred allowed 5 stolen bases in 7 attempts over his three-game tenure as catcher for the 1895 Cleveland Spiders.  He'll look to get off to a hot start, hoping to break out of his 1-for-13 career slump at the plate.


2B: Donovan Solano
Scouting:  No Major League Experience.  Solano will be facing Major League pitching for the first time, but he carried a  .274/.319/.352 line over his first 4 seasons at Triple-A.  As his slugging percentage indicates, he's unlikely to hit for power (5 HR in 860 AB) unless the Donovans bring along steroid technologies from today back to the 20th century (when testing was far behind our modern HGH concoctions).  Though he spent more time at shortstop, he manned the second base position with a higher fielding percentage in the minor leagues and will therefore be on the right side of the Donovans infield.


3B: Mike Donovan
Scouting: .238/.238/.286 in the Major Leagues.  This will be the third call-up to the Major League level for Mike Donovan, who previously had short stints with the 1904 Cleveland Naps and 1908 New York Highlanders.  Though still unproven, Mike figures to be the All-Time Donovans' best hope for a Gold Glove award, as he never committed an error in his brief career at the hot corner.


SS: Donovan Mitchell
Scouting: No Major League Experience.  Mitchell will fill out the all-rookie middle infield for the Donovans, having been a lifer in the Houston Astros farm system back in the 1990s.  He hung up the cleats after just his first half season at Triple-A, where he batted .282/.342/.437 from the left side of the plate in the Pacific Coast League.  Shortstop was perhaps not Mitchell's best position, but his history as a utility player means he should be ready for the challenge.

The Donovans focused on the front line of defense, building an infield with their first personnel moves.

...For next time, I'll keep my eyes open for any updates on the rest of the roster as it will be built.  Maybe there will be some mention of the press conference foreshadowed at the end of the newspaper article.  I hope they will be able to put this all together, it's far more ambitious than any project I'd try to coordinate.

Factual/statistical information provided by baseball-reference.com

Time Travel Baseball - Part 1

Wow, where do I begin?  You're all going to call me crazy, but I just dug up a great news article from the future that I had to share.  Yes, that future, the one which (to our knowledge) has yet to happen has searchable archival newspaper clippings.  Nothing of great consequence - no war coverage or sports results that would be of economic value, so don't ask - but I found a cool article that essentially proves my great-great-great grandson was (will be?) a big baseball fan just like me.

Have a look at the article:

I KNOW!  I'm going to keep digging, see if I can find out more about how things play out for the Donovans.  My successes are few and far between so far - sometimes searching the right keywords in the right databases is more of an art than a science - but here's another treat to hold you over until I have another big break.

The Donovans logo:

The face on that baseball remind you of anyone?  I must have some scruffy genes to pass on to the coming generations.

Review by Haiku: Philomath Culture Edition for March/April 2012

Television

Mad Men

Zou bisou bisou.

I see they brought creepy back.

By that I mean Glen.

Game of Thrones

I grade papers through

this show each week but I've seen

many strange bosoms.

Dragnet 1967

Jack Webb was the man,

Los Angeles - the city.

That's where he came in.

Movies

The Men

Speaking of Jack Webb,

he was wheelchair bound and young

in Brando's first flick.

Whisper of the Heart

Whoa, slow your rolls kids,

got a bit ahead of things.

You're in middle school.

Columbo

Oh, just one more thing:

Even young Peter Falk looks

like old Peter Falk.

Tower Heist

Alan Alda as

a jerky rich criminal.

Like I believe that...

Death Race 2000

I don't understand

the cult appeal and yet I

totally get it.

Hoop Dreams

Don't make the mistake

of looking up how things went

after, like I did.

Transylvania 6-5000 

I love Ed Begley

Jr. but this movie is

really quite lousy.

Baseball

Reds climbing back up

standings but Ticketmaster

won't let me go watch.

Hating on Suburban Apartment "Life"

This is where I'd like to live...

Right up there...  And let me tell you why, in the uncharacteristically (and unnecessarily?) strong language of loathing - hate* speech:

I hate* commute-style driving...

...same thing, every day.  Same roads.  Waiting at the same off-sync traffic lights.  Sharing the road with the same reckless jerks.  Squeezing into the same lousy parking lots and garages.  A depressing process on repeat.  I've tried to make the best of having to commute by driving (and especially parking) during campus down times and taking alternate routes.  But now I've run out of intriguing angles from which to take cell phone pictures at red lights...

...so I'm ready walk or take the bike.  I'm landlocked between two big highways and just out of reach in my current locale, but with any luck I'll find a new place with access to downtown.  At the very least, it'd be nice to have bike lanes and sidewalks as givens.  Right now, none of the following are within reasonable/safe walking distance: groceries, post office, library, parks, retail anything.  Give me just a few of these options (major bonus points if I can work and live in the same area) and I'll be thrilled.  If I could do walking errands just once or twice a week my exercise, fresh air, stress-relief, and vitamin D stats would be way up from their present levels.

I hate* urban sprawl...

...and generic suburbia.  I've become stuck in the inefficient mid-range between my two visions of ideal (and, arguably, green in their own senses) living space...

• The wilderness - no neighbors for miles, living off the land.
• The urban jungle - could be greener, but high population density can be unwittingly eco-friendly.

...so from here I'd gladly gravitate inward toward true city life.  Even if you pack in people to every side, and stack them above and below, I'll waive my misanthropy clause for the sake of convenience.  For my complex, I have a pretty nice spot (hand-picked) with a honey locust tree near my south-facing (see: natural light) porch.  But set me above a business where I can people-watch in a historic neighborhood, or put me a few floors up in Indianapolis' downtown proper and there could be quite a lot to observe.

I hate* cookie-cutter apartments...

...with paper-thin walls.  I can endure older appliances (it's not like the "modern" machines in typical apartments are all Energy Star), because there's at least an excuse for their inefficiency.  Where a nice retrofit has been done in an old building, I'd be glad to lend rent money in support of the efforts.  A solidly-built, well-insulated space could decrease the heating bills and neighbor noise, and an older building with some character would be a fun place to host, show off, and occupy day-to-day.  Throw in a cool view from the window and a multi-purpose use of space (e.g. placement above a restaurant, shop, or office) and I'd be a happy camper.

--------------------------
*  Hate is a strong word, I know that.  I was going to qualify and soften my word choice in this footnote, but then I realized that it's reasonably accurate and more interesting to read this way.

Strong Spring Showing

I did manage to slap together a few autograph requests for Spring Training this year. They all went out in February and some have made it back to Indiana.  I was going to build a scorecard of my attempts, but since they're mostly pitchers that wouldn't translate. How about alphabetical order? Here's the haul so far:

Auto Attempts (10 letters+cards+return envelopes):

• Bill Bray
• Signed 1/1.
• Jair Jurrjens
• Clayton Kershaw
• Mike Leake 
• Signed 1/1, personalized it to me.
• Sam LeCure
• Nyjer Morgan
• Signed 2/2, including a first for my collection (see below).
• Logan Ondrusek 
• Signed 1/1, strangely postmarked from Indianapolis.
• Mariano Rivera
• Buck Showalter 
• Signed 1/1.
• Rafael Soriano
• Signed 1/1.

All new guys for my collection.  Only had Mike Leake previously, but never on a card before.

Let's take a closer look at that return from Nyjer Morgan...

Like Showalter in the first pic, sometimes guys have to sign over their faces just to make their autographs fit the card.  Never have I seen anyone go so clearly out of his way to sign over his face and only his face (above right).  T Plush has a sense of humor!  

Prologue to The Hunt for Red October?

It's with a sigh of relief that I confirm that baseball season is, indeed, here again.  I'm in the lab working, which means I have to watch for the numbers to change in the box scores online rather than watch the Reds shut down the Marlins in person or on tv/radio.  Even though I'm working, Opening Day is still a holiday on my calendar.  So I'll use 15 minutes to look ahead at the 2012 season.  It should be pretty entertaining in 6 months to see how wildly inaccurate my predictions are.  Sean Marshall just closed out the 9th in 11 pitches, getting the season off on a winning foot.  Even though the hype about the Reds in the NL Central seemed to temper by the end of Spring Training, the additions of guys like Marshall, Mat Latos, and Ryan Ludwick have me feeling optimistic.  I'll feel all the better if Scott Rolen plays even 2/3 of the season.  And, at any rate, I'm hoping to match or exceed last year's (5) number of visits to Great American Ball Park.


MY PREDICTIONS

World Series:  Rangers 4, Reds 2

The Rangers lost CJ Wilson, but he was hardly the sole reason they're the 2x-reigning AL Champs.  If it's not Texas I image it will be Detroit over the... what?!?... Cincinnati Reds in the World Series?!?  Yeah, I don't know.  I feel like believing this year.  I saw an SI prediction last winter that actually justified predicting the Reds as WS Champions because they could follow the sneaky formula that St. Louis used to become surprise winners last year.  I'll echo that logic, I guess, for lack of motivation in generating my own.  If I don't have a little confidence this year, I may never get the chance.  In 2013 Rolen will be a year older and Brandon Phillips may have moved on.

MVPs: Curtis Granderson and Andrew McCutchen

Granderson was in the conversation for AL MVP last year, and deservedly so.  Yet I guess these picks have more of a wish list feel than any true educated guesses, because I value the guy's brains (really, what proportion of major leaguers have finished college and been any good?) and he's easily my favorite player on the perennial-winning Yankees (though that particular point doesn't say very much).  As for McCutchen, there's a long shot.  He's an All-Star outfielder on a team that will probably keep improving (even without AJ Burnett for awhile, if he was really going to make a huge difference anyway).  He seems like a professional to me, he's super talented, and I'd mostly like to say I saw an MVP play here in Indianapolis (he was with the Triple-A Indians before being called up).

Cy Youngs: Justin Verlander and Tim Lincecum

Going with the safe picks for the CY Awards.  Both have won before, and both are awesome.  Made that easy.

Guess we'll see how everything goes...